The Return Of Dr. Schniffenschnuff
by theguywhohasaname
Summary: An evil, mutated hippopotamus wearing a lab coat, and his evil, mutated hippopotamus assistant, attempt to take over the world and get revenge on Heero for pushing Dr. Schniffenschnuff off a cliff many years ago...


A wonderfully strange idea! I'll begin right away! Here, now, is my fic....  
  
Heero dropped the letter in his hand, and it fluttered down slowly towards the ground. Quatre noticed that Heero was standing completely still, staring at the letter, and asked what was wrong. "T-that letter... It... I... I can't! No! Not again!" Heero shouted, his voice shaky, and then he turned and ran from the room. "I wonder what that letter says..." Quatre asked no one in particular, bending over to pick up the letter which had fallen face-down by the front door of the safehouse. Quatre's eyes ran over the single line of the letter over and over again, wondering what it could possibly mean. "Beware the Schniffenschnuff..." He read it aloud.  
  
"Duo, you spend more time around Heero than anyone else. Do you know what that letter means?" Quatre asked after Duo had read the single-sentenced letter. "Nope. But Schniffenschnuff is capitalized, so I'd say that Schniffenschnuff is either a person or a city or something. I can't possibly imagine anyone being crazy enough to name a city Schniffenschnuff, but it could be a german name or something, I guess... So, in conclusion, Schniffenschnuff is probably a person." Quatre nodded his head. "That makes sense. But how could one person scare Heero that much?" Duo shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe he wasn't scared. Maybe Schniffenschnuff is his long lost brother or something, and he was just really happy..." Quatre shook his head. "It says 'beware the Schniffenschnuff.' I don't think they'd put 'beware' if it was someone Heero would be glad to see."  
  
Heero began typing away furiously on his laptop. "How could he possibly be back? It isn't possible! He can't be alive... What?!" Heero immediately froze as he came upon several articles that caught his attention. "He's escaped from every prison on Earth at least once... Every time he was caught, it was on charges of murder... He's probably killed more people than anyone in the history of the planet and colonies ever has before! And about half of his escapes took place after... After I saw him die..."  
  
***FLASHBACK***  
  
Heero shivered from the cold the snow falling around him was generating. He glanced up and saw that he was nearly at the top of the mountain. "Good. Almost there. I'll set up camp once I get to the top..." Once he arrived at the top of the mountain, he saw something he had never expected to see. "That's impossible!" He gasped, staring down at the city below him. "How could anyone manage to do that?" The city was a smoking wreck, barely recognizeable, all that was left of most of the buildings was a few embers, a charred piece of wood or two, and occasionally there was a building or two that actally had part of a wall left. "It... It can't be!" Heero begged. "Please, don't let it be... It can't be... Not..." Heero attempted to keep his eyes from wandering to the sign a few yards ahead of him.  
  
"Oh, God, no..." Heero whispered as his eyes ran over the sign. The smoldering city that lay ahead of him was The Invincible City. It was Lea Monde, the only city protected by an impervious force field, 13 troops of mobile suits made from adlehnderanium, an indestructable metal, and several other security systems capable of wiping out anything that tried to destroy the city. "Who could have done this?" Heero asked, looking down at the pile of ashes that used to be the house in which he and his parents lived. "Whoever did this... I will kill them... I won't rest until I've had my revenge!" He shouted angrily, wiping a tear from his eye. Then he heard laughter coming from behind him, and he turned around to find himself facing...  
  
***END FLASHBACK***  
  
"Dr. Schniffenschnuff. A mutated hippopotamus more intelligent than any other living being. He's capable of absolutely anything, and he's finally managed to find me." Heero explained to the other four gundam pilots. "So he's the one who destroyed Lea Monde?" Quatre asked. "Yes. And when he told me that he did it, up on that mountain top..."  
  
***FLASHBACK***  
  
Heero shot the creature before him a look full of hatred and rage. "You did it..." Heero growled through clenched teeth. "That's right. And there's nothing you can do about it." Dr. Schniffenschnuff began to laugh uncontrollably, and then Heero couldn't take it anymore. He launched himself at the large, purple monstrosity, knocking him down. Since they were on the top of a mountain, Dr. Schniffenschnuff fell backwards and continued to slide down the side of the mountain, gaining speed as he went, all the time trying to stop himself, cursing Heero repeatedly, until he slid right off the edge of a cliff halfway down the mountain.  
  
***END FLASHBACK***  
  
"But somehow he survived." Heero mumbled. "Hey, don't wory about it. After all, he might be a smart hippopotamus that wears a lab coat, but we're the guys that stopped Mariemaia." Duo said, slapping Heero on the back. "Yeah, we can stop him." Quatre agreed. "I think that it is positively unjust to allow that creature to continue to live." Wufei added. "Uh... My hair looks funny." Trowa muttered, looking into a nearby mirror. "It always looks that way, Trowa." Quatre replied, and he and the other three pilots that were not already loking at the mirror turned their attention towards it as they each spotted something purple reflecting off the mirror. "What's that?" Wufei asked, and then they all realised what the purple thing was, but too late. Dr. Schniffenschnuff had already grabbed Trowa and was running for the door by the time they had figured out that it was him.  
  
One hour later...  
  
"He got Trowa..." Quatre moaned pitifully. "How could I have let Dr. Schniffenschnuff capture Trowa? It's all my fault..." Wufei nodded his head. "Yes, it's all your fault. If you hadn't been too busy insulting Trowa's hair, you would have seen Dr. Schniffenschnuff sooner and could have stopped him." Then Quatre burst into tears. "Why'd you do that?" Duo complained. "That guy makes a lot of noise when he cries, and none of it is anything short of eardrum-bursting." Then a chunk of the ceiling fell, missing Duo by inches. "What the hell?! Not Dr. S again!" Duo hoped. Then a man wearing a green suit dropped through the hole in the ceiling and handed Duo a check. "Huh? What's this for?" "That's to repair the ceiling." The man informed him.  
  
"Hey, who are you, anyways?" Quatre asked. "Me? The name's Bond. Savings Bond. Agent double oh eleven." Savings showed them all a money order with the numbers 0011 and his name, Savings Bond, written at the top. "So... You're Savings Bond... A guy that wears green clothes, has his name written on a money order, and busts through peoples ceilings to throw checks at them?" Duo asked. "No. I am Dr. Schniffenschnuff's arch enemy." "Achey enema?" Duo asked. "No, arch enemy." Savings corrected him. "Archie's Emeny?" Duo asked. Savings shook his head. "No, I'm his nemesis, the only man brave enough to stand up to him." Duo nodded his head. "So you've got a thesis that you'e got the only ham big enough to do stand up comedy with him, right?"  
  
Heero grabbed an empty Dr. Pepper bottle laying nearbyand hit Duo on the head with it. "Hey! Why'd you do that?" "You were getting annoying." Heero replied. Then Savings reached into his pocket, pulled out three checks, and tossed them at the door to Heero's room. The checks exploded when they hit the door, revealing another hippopotamus, a darker purple than Dr. Schniffenschnuff, wearing a lab coat with the letter 'H' on the top left pocket and glasses something like songlasses, the exception being that they were white. "Just as I thought! Dr. Schniffenschnuff's assistant, Dr. Hipposplotamus!" Savings exclaimed, running towards the hippo.  
  
After Savings had caught Dr. Hipposplotamus and tied him to a chair, the questioning began. "Where is Dr. Schniffenschnuff's laboratory?" Savings demanded. "I don't know what you're talking about." The hippo responded. "Tell us, or else I just might have to lock you in a room full of chippermunkeys." Dr. Hipposplotamus' eyes widened. "Fine! It's in Atlantis! There, now you know where it is, so let me go!" Saings shook his head. "Atlantis? Is that the best you could do? Couldn't you at least have said thatit was in a real city? Are you really that bad at lying?" Dr. H laughed. "I'm not lying. It's in Atlantis. I don't know where Atlantis is, and I don't know how to get there, but I do know that that is where Dr. Schniffenschnuff's lab is."  
  
Savings nodded his head. "Yes... That reminds me of a rumor I recently heard regarding Atlantis... I suppose Dr. Hipposplotamus could indeed be telling the truth. Come on, we have to track down the one person who may know the location of Atlantis... Cledus T. Judd."  
  
End first chapter, begin ending paragraph, And...Hello, all you out there in tv land! Er... Computer land! I'd like you to remember to review this chapter, otherwise there might not be another... And the next one might actually be good! Anyways, I can't think of too much else to tell you, so I'll just go away now and let you get to your reviewing... Ciao! 


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